Commentary - (this isnt handwirtten because i do all my exams on a computer).....

I decided to start my piece on myself with a simple description, as an introduction to my piece to set the scene.  I decided to write about this specific thing about my life, because I did live in India when I was 7 years old, but i wanted to make up a story to makke it sound more interesting.  I think starting off with a description/background of my story was the right thing to do, because it gave the reader some background details. I then carried on with the story with some simple description about the taj - mahal and what it looked like - "beauty of the delicately white but sleek building".  I then decided to use the effect of the senses and i also decided to use a metaphor and personification at the same time "As I felt the wind blow up against my face I could hear the tree's whisper as they laid beside the colossal building" I thought that this was a very effective sentence as the reader can perhaps visualise the scene that i have described.